Monday, April 18, 2011

i don't understand the change i see in these people i've known for so long. how does it occur? I know change is inevitable. I know this for i've watched it happen to myself for 18 years now. I come home to watch my friends slowly fading until they're almost gone completely. I learned today that one of my best friends since 7th grade, robbed a family and is in jail-with a shotgun and a knife pointed at someone. All because of drugs and money. It breaks my heart. How did i decide to take the right path, and end up so different. I love to work, and work hard. I car about everything i do and do everything with passion and effort. I have ambition. I can't wait to be back at school. I work hard at MCDONALDS. jesus, i care about things that are not incredibly important. Of course, i care about my friends and family so much, and would do anything for them and now i watch them wither away. I know im a good person. I care so much, and too much at times-if there is such a thing. I have talent, and a love for my talent and what i do. I wanna learn, i wanna reach for the sky. I wanna be perfect at times. I overwork, and make a good reputation for myself. I have great friends. I'm human. I cry, and i bleed, i scream, i get sad, i get cocky, i get lonely, and depressed. I wonder about myself sometimes. I get overwhelmed, i get overly happy, optomistic-pessimistic. I'm an everchanging bundle of colors, changing shades with the days. I AM HUMAN. i'm not perfect, and im not putting these people down. But god, why? I watch some of the best people i knew in high school, that i spent the best days of my life with, falling into these hole they cant get out of. i wish god would grab hold of them, before something bad does. I give people so many chances because i believe in redemption. Why does no one help me believe a little harder, by redeeming themselves? Everytime i give them a chance, they just prove themselves to be just who they were before. That being said, i've watched a lot of people change for the better-including myself ;) haha.
I've met a lot of great people this past year-and some not so great... I've watched myself change in so many ways. I've grown up, improved my music and singing. I've become smarter, and more reliable and hardworking. i take things more seriously.
i also have become a little more aggressive-but i stand up for myself. I've withdrawn from school-but i will be attending school in the fall. maybe i didnt follow through-but everything happens for a reason-and im smart enough to do whatever i want in this world. i wont settle for a career. ill be happy-and do what makes me happy, whether i make a career out of being a musician or not. ill never stop.

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